when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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