Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
