also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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