her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
