Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
