Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
