Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
