I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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