so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
