eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
