My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
