you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
