also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
