I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
