Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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