Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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