You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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