Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
