I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think my mom watched the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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