Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
