Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
