and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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