I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
