how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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