I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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