Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
