Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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