Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
