I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
