I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
