Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
