She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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