These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
