Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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