Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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