Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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