Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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