i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
