hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and she was petting her beer can
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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