hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this just has baby written all over it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
