we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
