Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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