No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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