Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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