I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
