The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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