we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do vagina's smell?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
