just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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