I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
