you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
