There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
