***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
