Pants 0. Shit 1.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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