Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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