Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
