she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
