If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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