Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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