Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
