you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
