is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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