I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
