watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
