Having a random hookup so left but love u
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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