I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize