I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
