had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
