He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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