I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
