God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
