Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
