She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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