I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
