i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
