The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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