it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
