Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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