So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
