hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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