Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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