yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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