So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
