I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
