I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My balls are so social today.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
