So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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